


Nothing Good Happens At Three AM

by CaryceJade



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crying, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaryceJade/pseuds/CaryceJade
Summary: After somehow being reconstructed, Rimmer falls ill. Lister cares for him, and does some thinking.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 11
Kudos: 49





	1. Awake and Aware

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for vomit.
> 
> I blame Monteverdi for the Deus ex Machina.
> 
> I intend to do a bit more poking around in this AU. This was just the first point that popped up on the map.

Very rarely does anything good come of being awakened at around 3 AM. This is not one of those rare exceptions.

Lister stared at the ceiling of his bunk, unsure as to what woke him up. Then he heard Rimmer shifting in the bunk below him, groaning softly. Lister didn't think too much of it at first. Everyone has an uncomfortable night every once in a while, after all, and things had been pretty crazy a few days ago. Definitely crazy for all of them, but especially for Rimmer. 

Nearly a week ago, they had encountered a seemingly abandoned station with a rather temperamental semi-sentient computer, caused by the last survivor uploading their entire consciousness into it. Rimmer had accidentally set off the computer by merely brushing up against it. Unbeknownst to any of them until they actually started looking around, the station was a beyond top-of-the-line biomedical research station even before the last survivor had added her consciousness to the computer. It had completely reconstructed him down to the smallest cell, but had warned that he would go through trials within the next few months as the new body "got used to things", as the computer had wryly put it.

Lister was yanked from his musings by another groan, this time with a more obvious edge of pain to it. He heard Rimmer sit up, wincing as he heard another soft pain-filled groan. He sat up himself, and was just about to ask Rimmer if he was okay, but Rimmer spoke before he did

"Listy? Are you awake?" It was a hoarse whisper. 

Lister looked down to see Rimmer wrap his arms around his midsection and lean forward a bit. "Yeah, I'm awake. You okay?" He got down off his bunk in order to get a better look at his partner.

Lister didn't require a verbal answer once he actually looked at Rimmer. His face was pale, he was shaking slightly, and his arms were still wrapped around his stomach. The expression on his face was a blend of pain and nausea. "My poor Rimsy," Lister clucked, laying a hand on his partner's forehead, nearly jerking it back from the heat that he felt. "You've got some fever."

"Mmmmhmm," Rimmer mumbled, leaning into Lister's cool hand. He then drew back, swallowing hard. "Listy, I think…," he broke off with another hard swallow, the color draining from his face.

Lister was already looking for a container of some sort. Grabbing the nearest thing he saw (a large, empty mixing bowl they had used for popcorn a couple of days ago that Kryten had fortuitously missed), he had it ready in a matter of seconds.

"Don't wanna... throw up…," Rimmer whined into Lister's shoulder. Lister's arm around his shoulders tamped down some of the fear, but not enough to completely quell the rising panic inside of him. Illness had always gotten him punished on Io. Surely Lister wouldn't punish him, would he?

Almost as if he could hear his thoughts spiraling out of control like they usually did when he was overly tired, stressed, or not feeling well, Lister's voice broke through. "Arn, it's okay. I'm not going to be mad. I'm not mad now. You can't help being sick. Your family were smegheads, the lot of them!"

Rimmer nodded tightly, holding back a retch. He moaned softly, feeling Lister rubbing circles on his back with one hand, the other holding the bowl. 

A few seconds passed. Then the urge to retch struck again, and he couldn't hold it back. "It's all right," he heard Lister say as he inhaled, only for it to be cut off by another retch, then another, more violent than the last. 

It felt like an eternity before some of that night's dinner landed in the bowl, and another small eternity until he stopped retching. Panting hard, he opened his eyes a little to see Lister set the bowl down on the floor. 

"You done for now?" Lister asked gently. 

Rimmer nodded, a flush that definitely was not just from the fever coloring his cheeks just a bit more. He hated being ill, and usually tried to hide it until he couldn't anymore.

"I'll go empty this and get you a towel and some water, yeah?" He laid a hand on his sick partner's shoulder for just a moment, then took off to take care of everything.

It wasn't long before he returned with a clean bowl, a cool wet towel, and a glass of water. He set the bowl down, then wiped Rimmer's face with the towel. He then helped his partner to take a few small sips of the water, gently chiding him when he started to try to gulp it down.

"Easy, love. You don't want it to just come right back up again."

Setting the glass aside, Lister wrapped an arm around Rimmer's shoulders, feeling his partner relax slightly and lay his head on his shoulder. Lister dropped a gentle kiss on top of his head. The heat that he felt coming off of Rimmer worried him a bit, but he could tend to that in a few minutes. Right now, comforting him was far more important to Lister.

It wasn't much of a respite before Rimmer started to shift uncomfortably again. Lister immediately reached for the bowl again, but Rimmer got up, running past him to the bathroom. Lister winced as he heard retching leading into violent vomiting. Deciding to give Rimmer a moment, he got some painkillers and fever reducers out of the cabinet. Setting them on the table, he went over to the bathroom and poked his head in.

His heart clenched painfully as he saw his partner still hunched over the toilet. It broke as he stopped vomiting, only to start sobbing. 

Kneeling down beside him, Lister drew Rimmer to him, reaching one hand over to flush the toilet. As Rimmer sobbed into his chest, Lister rubbed his back, whispering reassurances. 

Thinking to himself, Lister was wondering how Rimmer had become so ill so quickly. He was reasonably certain that it wasn't food poisoning, since, in spite of his cast-iron stomach, he would be sick as well. Kryten was an android, and Cat was a different species altogether. Perhaps this was one of those trials that the computer had mentioned would happen. 

"Do you think you can stand?" Lister asked, once Rimmer's tears had slowed.

Looking confused for a moment, Rimmer said hoarsely, "I can try."

Helping his partner back out to sit on the edge of the bunk, Lister then got the glass of water and the medicine. After helping Rimmer to take it, he went and got a chair, pulling it over to the bed. "Try to get some rest, Arn," he said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

As Rimmer fell into a fitful doze, Lister hoped that his partner would feel better when he woke up. It might be a futile hope, but he hoped anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Lister was not wrong in it being a futile hope. He had just dozed off in the chair when he was awakened by Rimmer dashing for the bathroom again, then violent retching. He glanced over at the clock. 5:43 AM. Not a long respite for his partner, then. It had been after four before Rimmer had dozed off. He himself had stayed awake for a while, just in case, but his eyes had started getting heavy a little after five.

Getting up, ignoring the series of ominous cracks that went up his spine from dozing off in such a position, he made his way over to the bathroom. He rapped his knuckles on the frame to warn Arnold that he was about to walk in. 

Finding him panting harshly over the bowl, Lister knelt down beside him, rubbing his back in what he hoped was a comforting manner. With his other hand, he wiped his partner's mouth with some toilet paper.

"Don't feel well _at all_ ," Rimmer mumbled, rocking back into Lister's arms.

"I know, love." He gave Rimmer a one-armed hug. "I'm going to take care of you as best I can. Do you feel like going back to bed, or wanna stay here a bit longer?"

Rimmer knit his brow in feverish confusion. "Stay here. Still feel queasy." 

"Okay," Lister replied. "I'll be right back."

A moment later, he returned with a blanket, the cup, and the towel. He gave the blanket to Rimmer, then refilled the cup and wet the towel again. Sitting back down beside his partner, he said, "If we're going to be here for a while, you might as well be comfortable doing it."

Rimmer nodded, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Forgetting that Lister had implied that he would be staying as well, he asked, "Listy? Stay with me?" As miserable as he felt, he really did not want to be alone.

"Of course I will, Arn," Lister soothed, offering the cup of water to Rimmer, who took a few cautious sips, then set it aside. "Now, how about trying to get some rest between rounds."

Rimmer nodded and laid his head on Lister's shoulder. Lister gently guided him down to rest his head in his lap. Within moments, he had started dozing.

It wasn't terribly long before Lister heard Kryten come in and start bustling about. "Mr. Lister?" After a pause, "Mr. Rimmer?"

"In here, Krytes," Lister replied, trying not to be too loud.

Kryten poked his head into the room. "Mr. Lister? Why are both of you in the bathroom?" He tilted his head in confusion. "And why is Mr. Rimmer sl…"

He was interrupted by Rimmer sitting up and making a dive for the toilet, barely getting his head over it in time. Lister rubbed his back while speaking to Kryten. "He's been sick half the night. I probably should have taken him to the medi-bay, but I thought it'd pass; maybe something he ate hadn't agreed with him or something." He reached over and flushed the toilet when Rimmer finally stopped.

"Oh dear," was all Kryten said as Rimmer returned to the refuge of Lister's arms. Lister could almost _hear_ his worry chip engaging.

"Listy?" Arnold's brow was knitted in feverish confusion. "Listy, I don't... don't feel so good."

Lister held him close. "I know, love." He then looked up at Kryten. "We need to get him to the medi-bay and get him checked out." A ball of worry was beginning to take up residence in the pit of his stomach.

Kryten came the closest that a mechanoid could to pursing his lips. "You are right of course." The past several days had been an adjustment for him. First, encountering the strange computer to begin with, then returning Rimmer to a human state. The computer had given them all gifts in return for temporarily alleviating her loneliness, his being a super-enhanced memory. He would never have to delete anything again.

Crouching down, Kryten gently picked up Rimmer, cradling him to his chest. It was a testament to how poorly he felt that he didn't even put up a token protest, which definitely sent Lister's concern a few notches up the scale.

* * *

They only made it a quarter of the way there before Rimmer was attempting to scramble out of Kryten's arms. At first, neither Lister nor Kryten were sure what was going on, until Rimmer had pushed open the flap of a garbage chute and was retching helplessly down it. He was trembling so badly that Lister was scared that he would fall over, so he looped an arm around his waist to help keep him steady.

Once he had sagged limply into Lister's arms, Lister nodded at Kryten, who picked Rimmer up and resumed carrying him towards the medi-bay.

Lister heaved a sigh of relief as they made it to the medi-bay without further incident, and Kryten laid Rimmer on one of the exam beds. He held one of Rimmer's hands as Kryten hooked up the diagnostic computer.

Lister watched the computer anxiously as it went through the process of examination and diagnosis. He nearly jumped out of his skin when the computer finally chirped, indicating that it was finished.

Kryten began examining the screen, while Lister squeezed Rimmer's hand reassuringly. There would be an answer soon.

"Oh my. Well, that is certainly interesting!" Kryten exclaimed in amazement. 

"What is it, Kryten?" Lister asked, anxiety creeping into his voice.

"Nothing life-threatening, Mr. Lister," Kryten hastened to say. "Apparently, when the computer on the station resurrected Mr. Rimmer, it did not completely upload his immune system. His body will experience different illnesses as updates. He has had the misfortune of this update being gastroenteritis."

"Gastro-what?" Lister inquired, reaching for an emesis basin, getting the feeling that he did not have long before it would be needed, and he wanted to avoid fumbling for it later. 

"Gastroenteritis, sir. Some call it a stomach bug."

"Okay." Lister winced in sympathy as Rimmer was sick in the basin he had just grabbed. At least he knew what to do with that. He had taken care of himself with the same thing many years ago, plus a number of girlfriends, and even a boyfriend.

"Can we go?" Rimmer asked hoarsely. "Want my bed."

Lister nodded in understanding. When you felt miserable, your own bed was the best place to rest. He looked over at Kryten, who gave a single nod. "As it should pass within the next day or so, I see no reason why you should be kept here."

Well, what are we waiting for?" Lister asked. 

* * *

The return trip to their quarters passed without incident, at least until they entered the room and found Cat curled up on Rimmer's bunk. Lister went over and shook his shoulder. 

"Cat. Get up." 

Cat jumped, stretching and letting out a yowl, jumping up onto the ladder. Already having put the pieces together by the smells in the room, he fixed them with a look of magnanimous contempt, stated, "Just this once," and flounced out, leaving them to it. 


End file.
